Episode 304: Retired & Confused: Life After Homeschooling

Hicunni (aka Coach Keenie) opens up about what really happens when homeschooling ends, not the cute “empty nest” version, but the quiet identity free-fall no one talks about. After 15 years of building life around lesson plans, lunches, and learning rhythms… what happens when the kids graduate, the schedule disappears, and you’re left asking:

“Who am I now, and what do I even want anymore?”

Inside this episode, you’ll hear:

• The surprising moment at a fall festival that shifted Hicunni’s whole direction
• Why retired homeschool moms don’t just “get their life back”, they have to build a new one
• The 3 mindset shifts that make midlife feel like a comeback, not a crisis
• A journaling question to help you reconnect with who you are now (not who you used to be)

This one is especially for the women who didn’t leave a job; they left a whole identity. You’re not broken. You’re in transition. And you don’t have to “start over”… just start after.

Mentioned in this episode
• Join the circle (email list + deeper conversations) here: https://howtobefitover40.com/pages/midlife-circle
• (Week 22) 180-Day Becoming Challenge - we are still going strong
• Giveaway: Win $300 store credit + wellness goodies  here: https://howtobefitover40.com/

🍵 Grab your smoothie or a cup of tea and join the conversations. Let's go!

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to How to Be Fit Over 40. I'm Haikini, your midlife coach and podcaster. I help retired homeschool moms figure out who they want to be next. So this weekend it was all about the fall festival and I realized something big and we're going to make sure we unwrap all of it on this podcast. So grab your smoothie or cup of tea and join the conversation. Let's go. Hey there, welcome back to another episode. And you may be wondering why I said I help retired homeschool moms figure out who they want to be next. Well, for those who haven't caught most of my podcast episodes or some of them, if you're new, welcome back. I am a retired homeschool mom of 15 years, and we ended our journey in May of this year. So throughout the time, I was always doing something extra, of course, on the side, building a business, creating things, growing all the things. Now, over the last five years, I've been moving through what we call midlife. And I've been trying to figure out, you know, what am I doing? And who do I want to be now? And so thinking back, I remember a conversation I had many years ago with someone, and she told me, she was like, okay, before your kids graduate, make sure you figure out what you want to do next. Because she had just graduated a child and she was going through all types of things. And you know, I didn't really understand it fully at the time. But she let me know that there was a transition coming, and I may not know who I want to be and what role I wanted to play beyond that. Well, I thought I had time. I thought I had time to figure it out. And here I am, even after building fun and meaningful things, business, coaching, I realized that I'm still not sure if that's who I really am through that role, or what I truly want to do. My whole day making decisions, purpose, all the things revolved around teaching, planning, and nurturing, structuring someone else's life or more than someone else. Two, two lives. I had two homeschoolers, and then one day, boom, graduation happened. I mean, it came so fast, and then now it's like, okay, well, now what? Like, who am I when nobody needs me the same way? Now, everybody talks about empty nest, but nobody talks about identity burnout. So moving into midlife, I realized there's no one-size-fit-all experience. I don't relate to the corporate mom. I mean, I was there once upon a time before I started homeschooling. I don't relate to the woman that's working that nine to five, although there was a period that I was doing that. I relate more to the stay-at-home woman, the homeschool mom. That's who I self-identified as being. Now, before I get into the points I want to share today, let me give you a little, a little, I guess, another aha of what happened at the fall festival. So, for those who were trying to figure out what is she talking about? So, we had a fall festival and I had a booth there, and I was showcasing my business, my coaching business, and also had some products there as well. We had a great time. I sold some things, which is great. I enjoyed the day. It was a great day. But I noticed the part I love the most wasn't the selling, it was just connecting with people, just community, just conversations. And that lit me, that lit me up more so than anything that I brought to the table. And I realized something. The life I want isn't built around random pop-up shops, it's a movement, it's something deeper. I've always been a little nomadic, you know, inside and out. I like to pull back the layers and find deeper meaning. And as I transition through this version of midlife, I realize that there are so many of us out here doing the same thing. We are literally working on unscrambling that midlife brain and finding our way through this nomadic life. So midlife is not a crisis, it's your come back season. So here are a few things that I want to share, I want to leave with you today. And these are geared towards retired homeschool midlifers. If this is not you, it still most likely probably applies. But I wanted to hone in on this group because this has been me for so many years. So if you know someone who is transitioning out of homeschool, share this podcast episode with them. Let them know that they are not alone and they have someone else that's cheering them on, and someone else that's in the thick of it. So here are the three truths I want to share with you. Number one, you didn't quit a job. The world, your world quit needing you the same way. So you didn't stop working because you were running an entire ecosystem and then it dissolved, but your brain is still in that service mode. Number two, your identity is not wired to be on call. Even if somebody needs, you know, well, even if no one needs their lunch packed, you may still have some kids still at home. Because I know some homeschool parents, they may have some that have graduated and they're kind of in two different transitions. But if even if nobody needs lunch packed or a lesson plan printed, your nervous system is still waiting for the next step. You are still wired to show up in the same way. And number three, you can't go back to who you were, but you can create what comes next. So the things that mattered before don't carry the same weight anymore. You want something with substance, something that reflects who you are becoming. So I want you to pause, take a pause, and I want you to, if you're somewhere where you can write in your journal, go ahead and do that. If you're driving, just take a pause, just still pay attention to what you're doing. And just think about this. You're starting after. Don't force the answer, just let it rise. Okay? Now this hit your gut hard. You're not alone. There's a whole wave of us unscrambling in the midlife brain and just trying to find our way through this nomadic life without losing who we are. And if you want to go deeper with this, I want you to join my circle. The link is in the show notes, and that's where the real conversation happens and where you stop feeling invisible. Remember, this is your comeback season. You don't need to start over, you just need to start after. Until next time, learn to love and learn to serve. Bye for now.